6 Tips for Being Clear And Being Understood With Your Partner (And Your Family)
Be clear about your intention to speak compassionately and forthrightly, be clear when you speak, and say exactly what you want to say and what you need to say. That clarity may work wonders!
Be clear about what you need.
Do you need your privacy? Do you need to be treated with respect? Do you need to not 2ave your efforts belittled? Do you need to feel safe? Do you need some occasional praise? Do you need help? Be clear both about what you need and about how you will announce those needs!
Be clear about what you want.
Are you hoping for a certain island vacation? Would you love a little more tenderness, a little more romance, and a little more kindness? Do you want to be able to watch your favorite television program without anyone making snide remarks about it? Be clear about what you want and about how you will announce those wants!
Be clear about what you won’t tolerate.
Be clear about what absolutely crosses the line. Maybe you’ve decided to live with your mate’s sardonic style, which always verges on sarcasm — but how sarcastic is he or she permitted to be? Be clear about what you won’t tolerate and about how you will announce what you won’t tolerate!
Be clear about pointing out when a commitment or a promise has been broken.
Is your mate chronically late? Did you parents promise to help financially and then conveniently forget — again? Did your teenager pledge to never smoke cigarettes again — and come home with clothes smelling of tobacco smoke? Be clear that a promise has been broken and about what you intend to say and do about it!
Be clear about who is supposed to do what.
If your siblings are being super vague about who is supposed to take your ailing parent to medical appointments, resulting in your taking up the slack and the bulk of the responsibility, announce that their vagueness is not okay with you. If your mate refuses to hire someone to do something that he says he can do, and then he doesn’t do it, be clear about what you want to say and do. For instance, give him one more chance, and then hire someone!
Be clear about what matters.
Perhaps it doesn’t matter if your mate is five minutes late and has a good reason, and perhaps it really does matter if he or she is an hour late and offers up the lamest of excuses. Distinguish between the two situations. In the first case, quickly let go of your irritation. In the second case, say what you need to say and do what you need to do. Be clear about what matters and about what you will say and do when something important has transpired!
For more tips
These tips are an excerpt from Overcoming Your Difficult Family: 8 Skills for Thriving in Any Family Situation, by Eric Maisel, PhD.
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