Q: I’m married with kids, and have a hectic career. By bedtime, I’m too tired for sex; last month, my husband and I didn’t make love once. What can I do?
A: I have two words for you: morning sex. Men love this phrase, while women, well, you probably rolled your eyes on reading that, didn’t you? Fair enough. After all, he wakes up physiologically ready for love but healthy women need more time to warm up. Truthfully, when you open your eyes, is nookie the first thing on your mind? You are more likely to be worrying about things like an upcoming client meeting or figuring out what lunch to pack for your six-year-old. So when hubby makes a sexy move, you wriggle out of his arms and head for the shower.
The problem is in your head, not your bed. The main reason morning sex doesn’t happen is that you decide it won’t. Unlike him, you don’t feel amorous at 6 a.m. But you shouldn’t expect instant desire. Instead, cultivate it. Women need to allow time to become both mentally aroused and physically turned on. It’s not going to happen accidentally.
If sex in the morning has never been your thing, you need to discuss it with your man and make a plan. Some people prioritize yoga before breakfast, while my sweetheart and I get our Kama Sutra on by making sunrise lovemaking a habit. After raising your heart rate with your husband, you’ll feel connected, relaxed and appreciative. It’s a wonderful way to start the day. Why not give it a try? Here are tips for making a habit of morning sex.
Plan for passion
Set your alarm for at least 20 minutes earlier than needed to get your day started. Lock the bedroom door so your kids won’t walk in’and then need therapy. If you have to pee, do it. Otherwise, avoid leaving the bed. If you won’t feel attractive unless you brush your teeth, I recommend that you keep a minty spray in the bedside drawer to quickly freshen your breath. But better yet, just kiss au naturel. Moving from sleepy to sexy without interruption is both erotically and emotionally intense.
Get your head in the game
I know life is busy, and you wake up thinking about your to-do list instead of being in the moment with your man. If your mind is distracted, practise slowing down and showing up. One trick is to deliberately focus on the area he is touching. What is the sensation like? Soft or intense? Ticklish or soothing? Really experience it. If a thought pulls you away, gently but firmly bring your attention back to what is happening here and now.
Ask him to warm you up
For morning sex, let your guy know he may have to make some effort. After all, a poke in your thigh is not foreplay. He should begin with warm kisses that turn hot. He might trace your neck and breasts with his fingertips or tongue, gradually moving lower. If you want something, like oral sex, ask for it. Allow yourself to be aroused.