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15 Reasons Your Sex Life is Suffering

Has your relationship lost its spark? Here’s why, and what to do about it.

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How to improve your sex life

It’s no secret that one of the most difficult parts of a romantic relationship is keeping the sexual spark alive. You’re tired, you have a demanding job (that never seems to end) and if you decide to throw kids into the mix, you can pretty much forget about doing the deed…ever again. But all is not lost: here are some surprising reasons your sex life is suffering – and what you can do to save it.

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You’re tired

Sounds obvious, right? Well being tired isn’t just killing the energy you have to put into a wild night of love-making, it’s also killing your desire to do so. Get a few extra hours of shut-eye each night, and you’ll be feeling frisky in no time.

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You’ve gained weight

You know you’re beautiful at any size, but trying to squeeze into those awesome jeans from college can destroy your sex drive. It’s not really about the weight itself, it’s the way you feel about your body. Do yourself a favour: clean out your closet and only hold on to clothes that currently fit. (Yes, that means no more saving those “skinny jeans.”)

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There’s no trust

In a one-sided casual sexual relationship? Did you catch your partner in a lie? Nothing kills a woman’s libido more than a betrayal of trust. Try repairing (or rejecting) the emotional relationship before you try to get back into the physical one.

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You’re holding a grudge

If you can’t stop thinking about that thing he did six months ago, there’s no way you’re going to want to have sex with him. Sex and relationships educator – and Oprah regular – Dr. Laura Berman says, “grudge holding leads you to bite off your nose to spite your face.” Decide what you want, and then stick to it. The only way to get frisky again is to forgive.

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Your hair (yes, really)

To launch their new extra strength supplements, Viviscal hair products did a study that proved just how important hair is when it comes to our love life. In fact, Dr. Berman shared that one in four women will avoid going on a date if they’re feeling crappy about their locks – let alone get naked with a potential sex partner.  Start taking care of your hair (fresh colour, cut or even supplements to help it grow) to get you ready for a romantic rendezvous.

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You’re popping pills

And not the fun kind. The medication you’re on can (and often does) affect your libido. If you feel like you’re never in the mood, try talking to your doc about what you’re taking and see if there are any adjustments you can make to your pill plan.

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Your thyroid

Your thyroid doesn’t only control your metabolism – it also plays a big part in how you feel sexually. If you just can’t get in the mood, ask a professional about your thyroid function. If you’re suffering from hypothyroidism, treatment will usually kick your sex drive back into gear.

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You’re stressed

There’s no way to get in the mood when all you’re thinking about is work and bills. Try meditating for 10 or 15 minutes before hopping into bed with your partner. The quiet time will hopefully calm your mind, and help you leave stress (and any other sex-drive killers) at your bedroom door.

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You smoke

Smoking may have been sexy in the ’60s, but it’s the last thing you want to do if your sex drive is suffering. Smoking has been shown to cause major sexual issues in men, and while women don’t suffer the same severe effects, smoking can cause a female’s blood vessels to harden making orgasm more difficult to achieve. (Talk about a buzzkill.)

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You’re attached to your smartphone

We’re all a little too reliant on our personal communication devices, but if you’re snuggling with your iPhone 7 every night instead of your partner, you’ve got a real problem. Having any electronic in the bedroom can kill the mood (even TVs!) but if you really want to fire things up, put that phone down.

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You drink

Need some liquid courage for a romp in the hay? While drinking may reduce your inhibitions, it also inhibits your sexual satisfaction and over time, that can lead to a decrease in desire. Limit your alcohol intake and see your sex drive skyrocket.

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Your house is messy

The last thing that gets a woman in the mood is a pile of dirty laundry in the corner. While cluttered bedrooms have long been linked to depression and stress, some experts say it kills a woman’s sex drive, too. If you need to schedule sex, try slotting it into the calendar on cleaning day. You may find a tidy house is just what the love doctor ordered.

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You’re dehydrated

You know H2O is necessary for your body to function – and this includes your sex organs. If you’re not drinking enough water, it can kill your libido and cause vaginal dryness (which is no fun for anyone).

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You’re not working out

They say working out is good for the body and soul, and sex is exactly what they meant. Getting a regular sweat session in releases endorphins and makes you feel good about your body – including getting that body naked with your partner.

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You love diet pop

If diet pop’s link to unhealthy weight gain and cancer isn’t enough to scare you, what about losing your libido? The drink (specifically the artificial sweeteners in it) have also been linked to lowered levels of dopamine and serotonin – the two chemicals that keep your sex drive in check.