20 sex secrets
Canadian women share intimate tips on sex toys, videos and moreBy Rhea Seymour
Wish you could get some more va-va-voom into your bedroom? Paying a little extra attention to your sex life may be all it takes to transform it from so-so to sizzling. “Women put a lot of effort into their careers, friendship and parenting—they read books and talk to other people about them,” says Joan Marsman, a couples and sex therapist in Toronto. Good sex requires the same level of attention and education. As she says, “That means making time for sex, thinking about it and making sure you have enough energy for it.” We asked Canadian women from coast to coast to share their best sex tips (but changed their names to protect their privacy). Read on to get inspired, and then share your own naughty secrets using the comments button below!
1. Rev your engine
“To get in the mood for an evening of sex, I start thinking about it in the afternoon and fantasizing about how good it will feel. By the time I put my toddler to bed and have a glass of wine, I already feel aroused.” Jana, Toronto
2. Give to receive
“Be generous outside of the bedroom with foot rubs, shoulder rubs and loving words. Little signs of affection can build up and put you both in a mood that you weren’t necessarily expecting.” Pauline, Winnipeg
3. Steam things up
“My husband and I shower together four or five days a week. Most mornings we’re simply shampooing and soaping before the kids get up, but it sure is sexy to see his glistening body like that. And there is the occasional morning when we start making lunches a little later than usual...” Kerry, Toronto
4. Carve out some alone time
“We send our four kids downstairs to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings and then we have a quickie to start off the day.” Catherine, Saint John, N.B.
5. Don’t forget the lube
“Forget diamonds, lube is a girl's best friend when it comes to giving hand jobs or oral sex. Make a big show of pulling it out and squeezing a dollop into your palm—and watch his eyes pop out of his head when he realizes what’s next.” Jill, Toronto
6. Make laundry day more fun
"Sit on top of the washing machine during the rinse cycle with your partner standing up, facing you. Good vibrations, baby!” Vicky, Thunder Bay, Ont.
7. Play games with each other
“We like to turn regular board games into sex games; each point represents something sexual, like a kiss.” Katrina, Edmonton
8. Connect again
“About once a week, after we put our daughter to bed, we crawl into our bed together with the newspapers. We read and have an adult conversation that’s unrelated to bills and chores. Inevitably, we start flirting and having sex.” Diane, Oakville, Ont.
9. Rent a sexy movie
“We subscribe to a movie rental delivery service called skinflix.ca. We like a series of adult films called, “For Couples Only”. We have a DVD player in the bedroom and we’ve never made it through a whole movie from start to finish...” Sarah, Kingston, Ont.
10. Take charge
“Confidence is a turn-on. If you’re comfortable with your body, you’re more able to relax and have fun. And when you’re more assertive, there’s less performance anxiety for him.” Keisha, Whitehorse, Yukon
11. Play together
“Play a recreational co-ed team sport, like volleyball, with your partner. It will help keep you both fit, relieve stress and you’ll work as a team. It builds camaraderie and spices things up in the bedroom.” Lorraine, Toronto
12. Visit a nude beach
“Once you get over being naked, it’s really freeing and relaxing. We always end up having sex—back in the hotel room—a couple of times a day.” Emily, Mississauga, Ont.
13. Have a make-out session
“For my 36th birthday my husband surprised me after dinner by taking me dancing. Before we knew it, we were making out on the dance floor, his hands all over me like a frat boy, and mine likewise! Perhaps you could call it a little dance floorplay!” Jasmine, Toronto
14. Trade in your thong
“Despite the fact that we torture ourselves with uncomfortable underwear, guys dig white cotton, especially under jeans. I think it works because it's unexpected, it's innocent and it shows confidence.” Stephanie, Guelph, Ont.
15. Put sex first
“It’s harder to find time together when the kids are teenagers—they stay up later than you do and know what you are up to, which is icky for everyone. So sometimes you have to put your relationship before the kids; that might mean missing your child’s practice or game to sneak home and have time together, but it’s worth it.” Terry, Rothesay, N.B.
16. Play with toys
“Sex can be boring when it’s the same old, same old. Sex toys, like vibrators, lubricants and edible paint, are a real turn-on and add variety to sex.” Claire, Toronto
17. Escape the everyday
“Once or twice a year, we book a night at a hotel. Getting away from our kids and all of the responsibilities at home helps us let loose and focus on us.” Leah, Toronto
18. Share a bedtime story
“We invent stories for one another: it can be a sexy story about the two of us having sex in a new location or something more risqué. We also like read each other sexy short stories or passages from a book; one of our favourites is The Gates of Paradise by Albert Manguel.” Maria, Toronto
19. Take the wheel
“You can’t sit around waiting for someone to make you happy; that goes for sexual happiness, too. When my partner bought a new truck, I thought it would be erotic to join him on the road to christen it. Three hours into the drive, I realized he wasn’t going to stop, so I took off my bra. He pulled off at the next ramp and we indulged in some very hot sex.” Paige, Dieppe, N.B.
20. Pay him a compliment
“Women expect and need compliments and men do, too—they just don’t ask for it. If he knows that you think he’s sexy, he’ll try harder in bed to please you and prove that you’re right.” Megan, Toronto
What's your sex secret? Tell us in the comments and we may publish you (first name only!) in an upcoming feature.
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Web exclusive: March 2008