You deal with them at work. You socialize with them. Sometimes you even live with them. They’re the people who seem to go out of their way to be difficult—the boss who screams and yells, the co-worker who complains relentlessly about the workload, or even your painfully pompous brother-in-law.

According to Dr. Mark Goulston, a Santa Monica, Calif.-based psychiatrist and the author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret of Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, people become difficult “because they have learned that doing so keeps others off balance,” allowing them to take the upper hand. Often, even when we’ve experienced the same bad behaviour again and again, we can still be blindsided by it, he says. “You have to learn to expect it from them and come up with techniques for coping.”

To that end, take our quiz to help you identify whether you’re dealing with a classic bully, a “clam,” a whiner or a “sniper.” Then read on for some expert advice on how to avoid getting steamrolled, or just plain steamed. (And perhaps you’ll see yourself here, too.)

You’re meeting a friend for lunch. You rush to be on time and arrive exactly at noon…only to wait a half-hour for her to show up. When you mention her lateness, she: